Covert Ford
August 25, 2008 – 11:38 pmDear Covert Ford,
My husband’s birthday is coming up shortly, and he’s been wanting a new truck for some time now. Since I’d like this to be a surprise, I thought Covert Ford would be a good choice of dealership.
Before I commit to purchasing, though, I’d like more information about the secrecy-related services you offer.
Can the car be delivered to our house sometime between midnight and 5am (when my husband will surely be asleep)? Also, is it possible to pay for the car after my husband has received it?
Thank you,
Linda B. Wilson
Free Whitepaper
August 6, 2008 – 12:19 pmDear CDW,
I recently saw your online advertisement for “free whitepaper” while I was browsing for a birthday present for my husband, and was intruiged. Not being one to pass up a good deal, I clicked on the link and printed out the suggested files. To my surprise, when the paper came out of my printer it already had writing on it. Was this an error on my part, or is your link incorrect? I was expecting plain white paper.
Sincerely,
Linda B Wilson
P.S. Do you offer free colored paper, too? I’m doing an art project and am in need of some colorful paper. Neon green, specifically.
Melted M&Ms
May 12, 2008 – 10:30 am
Dear M&Ms,
I once saw a commercial that claimed that your candy only melted inside mouths, so when I was searching for snacks for my recent desert survival retreat, I chose M&Ms. On our trip, I slipped a handful of your candies into my back pocket to keep myself energized for our long hike, but after a few hours my hike-mates started giving me strange looks, often asking if I was feeling all right. I realized what they were thinking later, when I discovered that the candies had melted completely, leaving a suspicious brown stain on my rear end. Needless to say, I was mortified.
My attempts to keep the candies cool by putting them inside our water jug were fruitless, as they eventually dissolved and contaminated the jug. Later, when my hike-mate left her jug of water at our previous campsite, we had to rely on the melted M&M tainted drinking water for our primary water source. Unfortunately, the sugary water dried us all out more than aided us, and some of us suffered the ill effects of severe dehydration. We ended up having to cut our trip short, due to this.
Is this normal? I am wondering if you might have a candy that withstands greater temperatures, or if I just received a defective bag of M&Ms? Would skittles have been a better desert snack?
Sincerely,
Linda B. Wilson
Tostitos Scoops
November 29, 2007 – 11:04 am
Dear Tostitos,
I recently purchased a bag of your “Scoops” tortilla chips, and was disappointed at how easily they break while scooping. I have tried several different brands of ice cream with no luck — the chips simply will not scoop satisfactorily. Would you recommend a different product for this purpose, or do you think the problem is with the ice cream I’m using? I have found that letting the ice cream melt for a little while improves matters, but I have yet to be fully satisfied. I am hoping you sell a stronger chip, that would better suit my needs.
Thank you,
Linda Wilson
P.S. I would try using frozen yogurt, but my daughter is allergic.
Force Flex Trash Bags
September 20, 2007 – 10:38 am
Dear Hefty,
Recently my family and I organized a neighborhood cleanup after our neighbor’s house was vandalized by a local gang. We chose to use your Hefty Force Flex bags to gather up the debris because of the highly-acclaimed “puncture protection” your brand offers, while other brands do not.
Surprisingly, the shards of broken glass and several boards with nails were no match for these Hefty bags. I was disappointed and embarrassed that the bags I publicly supported broke and spilled their contents in front of all my neighbors.
I was wondering if the bags I purchased are defective, or if I’m using them incorrectly? Should I have double bagged? Do you have a product that is designed to withstand greater force?
Sincerely,
Linda B. Wilson
Brookstone Gas Grill Cover
July 30, 2007 – 11:36 amDear Brookstone,
I recently purchased your Rectangular Gas Grill Cover to protect my new Weber grill, and while I am pleased with the overall look of the cover, I have had some trouble using it while grilling. Although it fits snugly when the grill is closed, opening the grill is difficult while the cover is in place. I managed to prevent it from slipping by fastening it more securely to the grill with some duct tape, but I do feel a better attachment mechanism should be included with the product.
Also, when grilling, smoke seems to gather under the cover and pour out of the bottom making the meat very difficult to see. The heat generated by the grill also seems to be a problem, as the cover has melted slightly in places. I’m wondering if some venting might help, or if you sell a more durable version of this grill cover.
Are the problems I’ve described common with this product, or am I simply grilling at a higher temperature than recommended?
Sincerely,
Linda Wilson
Tempur-Pedic
November 1, 2003 – 11:24 amDear Tempur-Pedic,
I recently saw your commercial advertising your pressure relieving mattresses. In the commercial, the man explained that on your mattress you can place a glass of red wine and jump on the bed without spilling the wine. You then suggested “try THAT on your metal spring mattress”. I did as the commercial suggested and was very disappointed in the results. The wine spilled and permanently stained my bed! I was wondering if your company would be willing to offer some sort of compensation or discount on one of your spill resistant mattresses to remedy this unfortunate situation.
Sincerely,
Linda B. Wilson
Easy Bake Oven
January 17, 2003 – 12:00 amDear Mr. Hasbro,
My daughter, Denise, was given the easy bake oven as a birthday gift recently and last weekend I decided to put it to good use. I attempted to make my famous chicken kiev dish, but after sitting down to eat it my family realized the chicken was grossly undercooked. My youngest son, Aaron, stayed up vomiting all night as a result. Is this normal? I couldn’t find any solution in the FAQ for this problem. Is my easy bake oven defective? If so, how do I get a replacement?
Sincerely,
Linda B Wilson
P.S. Can I get the unit in blue?
Villain Supply
August 9, 2002 – 11:21 amDear Mr. Villian,
I’m writing you concerning a certain product advertised on your website.
The product in question is:
Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the Ultra-Budget Man Trap Kit. Just
dig a hole*, place these sharpened spikes in the bottom, and cover the hole
with loose branches. You have a deadly trap in just minutes!Price: US$29.49 (Save 20%!)
* hole not included
The hole isn’t included?? For $29.49, I would think the hole must be included. Now I have to pay $29.49 for a product with no hole, and I have to make a separate purchase for a shovel.
I think this product should be re-evaluated.
Thank you for your time,
Linda B. Wilson
Pilsbury Toaster Strudel
July 30, 2002 – 12:00 amDear Pilsbury,
I have to question the validity of a certain Pop Tarts commercial I just saw. In this particular commercial a seemingly caring mother gives her son a pop tart while pushing him out the door for school. When he meets up with his other friend, he is given a pilsbury toaster strudel and seems thankful. The other friend asks the boy “So, where do you put all those pop tarts?”. The boy then pulls a garage door opener out of his pocket and pushes the button. The garage door opens and reveals a mountain of Pop Tarts spilling out of the garage.
First, what kind of mother gives their boy a Pop Tart for breakfast? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and a tiny goo filled pasty does not constitute a complete breakfast. What makes you think your toaster strudels are any better? They’re the same thing, only with frosting, which makes it even worse!
Also, is that boy ready to handle the responsibility of carrying a garage door opener around? If he loses it he gives anyone access to the house. That is a very big risk that mother is taking.
Also, if you estimate the number of pop tarts in the garage to be around 20,000 and average 2 pop tarts thrown in the garage per school day, at 180 school days per year, it would take 55 years to fill up that garage. The child appears to be 10 years old, which makes the notion of having a garage filled up with 20,000 pop tarts impossible. I just can’t sit back and accept that crap as truth and I am angered at the way you’re pulling the wool over my fellow American’s eyes. Furthermore, are you trying to say that the parents never noticed the giant mound of pop tarts filling up in the garage? This seems unlikely.
Thank you for your time,
Linda B Wilson
Subway
July 25, 2002 – 8:15 amDear Subway,
Last month I purchased what I believed to be a 6 inch veggie sub. When I got home, I measured it, and it wasn’t quite 6 inches. Was this just a mistake during my visit, or are they all not quite 6 inches? I just don’t want people to get shorted a single millimeter of your delicious sandwiches.
Also, I would like information on opening my own Subway location.
Thanks for your time,
Linda B. Wilson
Pepsi
July 18, 2002 – 12:00 amDear Mr. Pepsi,
After a long hot day, I recently sat down to enjoy a crystal clear pepsi. However, upon tasting it I was shocked to find it was almost completely flat and had a funny flavor I can not describe. I know they’re not SUPPOSED to taste like this which make me think the 12 pack I purchased is defective. I already tried taking it back to the store but they
informed me that they don’t carry the product anymore. How do I go about getting a replacement?
Linda B. Wilson
PowerAde
July 17, 2002 – 4:00 pmDear Mr. or Ms. Powerade,
I am writing you in concern of urination problems associated with Powerade. I recently purchased your 32. oz fruit punch, and I went to the bathroom many times because of it. I was not drinking any other beverage at the time. Is this normal? Also, I question the validity of a woman drinking powerade and then jumping over a bridge. I find that it is not possible to do, and I’m fearful for the people who are trying it.
Thank you for your time and God bless,
Linda B. Wilson
Papa Johns
July 17, 2002 – 11:09 amDear Mr. John
I’m writing to you concerning one of your advertisements I saw. You advertised your Volcano Pizza, which sounded very good to me. I decided to pick one on my way home from the Minneapolis area. When I ordered, your employees laughed like I was telling a joke. When it was clear that I was not laughing with them, they rudely told me they don’t offer that pizza at this location. I left a bit distraught, as I didn’t know what I’d tell my family. They were all looking forward to trying this “Volcano Pizza” we had heard so much about. Please let me know where or when I will be able to purchase this product.
Thank you for your time,
Linda Wilson